{"id":7258,"date":"2022-07-25T12:04:30","date_gmt":"2022-07-25T12:04:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mattshorroraddiction.com\/?p=7258"},"modified":"2022-07-25T12:04:30","modified_gmt":"2022-07-25T12:04:30","slug":"return-to-camp-blood-part-vi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/matt.doppiavvu.it\/?p=7258","title":{"rendered":"Return to Camp Blood: Part VI"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

By Frank Pittarese<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The One in Space<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We start off in the near future (very near, considering the film\u2019s 2001 release date). The chronologically previous movie, Freddy vs. Jason,<\/em> would have taken place around 2008. That one left Jason \u201cdead\u201d (again) in the waters of Crystal Lake. But now we find him shackled and under guard at the Crystal Lake Research Facility. They built a whole place<\/em> just for our boy. There, scientists are studying Jason\u2019s ability to regenerate, but he\u2019s too much of a loose cannon. So the plan is to put him into cryogenic suspension \u2014 freeze him \u2014 and make him someone else\u2019s future problem. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But Jason is in a mood about being locked up, so he escapes and runs amok. After killing some folks, he accidentally breaches the cryo-unit, putting himself \u2014 and Rowan LaFontaine, the facility\u2019s project leader \u2014 on ice for awhile. A very<\/em> long while.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Chopsicle!<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Flash-forward to the year 2455. Jason and Rowan have been popsicles for 455 years. Earth (a.k.a. Earth Prime, \u2122 DC Comics) is an uninhabitable wasteland, a dead planet. A team of young scientists \u2014 archeology students on a field trip \u2014 discover the frozen pair and take them back to their spaceship. Rowan is revived, but Jason is assumed dead. That\u2019s a big mistake, especially since Future People know all about Jason Voorhees who \u201ckilled nearly 200 people and disappeared without a trace\u201d in the distant past.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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“I’ve been asleep for 455 WHAT?!”<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

As expected, Jason thaws out and starts attacking everyone in sight. The scientists don\u2019t stand a chance. The students are helpless. Even a squad of soldiers (swiped directly from James Cameron\u2019s Aliens<\/em>) get wasted by a very cranky Mr. Voorhees. The team’s original plan was to reconnect with the space station Solaris before moving on to Earth Two (also \u2122 DC Comics), but that goes haywire when Jason causes the whole station to explode, leaving our remaining characters trying to survive long enough to escape their failing ship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Luckily, a female android named Kay-Em (also swiped directly from James Cameron\u2019s Aliens<\/em>) is upgraded to super-tough Terminator mode (swiped directly from James Cameron\u2019s Terminator<\/em>). Kay-Em manages to dismember and semi-decapitate Jason, but the big lug falls onto the med-labs healing unit. Oops.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Not at all inspired by Terminator.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Nanites swarm all over his bits and pieces, fixing what\u2019s left of him and…improvising<\/em> the rest. The result is \u00dcber-Jason, an unstoppable cyborg behemoth \u2014 vastly improved, but still uglier than a baboon\u2019s butt. Chaos ensues: a countdown to the ship\u2019s destruction, a hole in the hull, a space walk. All of of these sci-fi movie tropes survive into 2455, so we can rest easy, knowing they\u2019re safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Makeover Madness<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

This time, Jason seems to be permanently defeated \u2014 blasted into space and burning up on reentry in Earth Two\u2019s orbit. It\u2019s really over. I mean, sure, a couple of teens necking in the woods of Earth Two see a shooting star, and Jason\u2019s broken mask splashes down in a lake. But this is the last sequel before the reboot, right? And the reboot is its own separate universe, isn\u2019t it? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(It\u2019s not and it isn\u2019t. The \u201creboot\u201d is in-continuity as an actual SEQUEL to Jason X.<\/em> Really. I mean it!) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know I\u2019m supposed to hate this movie. But I don\u2019t. It\u2019s goofy and the CGI is shaky, but for some reason, I\u2019m on board with these one-off \u201cexperimental\u201d Friday the 13th movies. Telekinetic girl? Cool. Body-jumping? Alrighty. Jason in space?? Gimme! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Cold-blooded kill<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Yes, it\u2019s incredibly derivative and feels like a syndicated sci-fi show from the mid-1990s. Camp, intentional or not, abounds. The acting is hokey. But it has an abundance of post-Scream<\/em>, self-referential charm and a pretty quick pace. Kane Hodder takes his final turn as Jason here, and still pulls off an effective performance despite the rather clunky \u00dcber-Jason suit. This entry gets a lot of flack \u2014 like Goes to Hell<\/em> \u2014  for going off-book, but ultimately, it\u2019s refreshing and fun, so it totally has my support.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Other things worth noting\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Somewhere between Freddy vs. Jason<\/em> and now, Jason found himself a new mask. This one has the red stripes \u2014 and even the Part 3<\/em> crack \u2014 but the nose is more pointed. I guess he found his look and he\u2019s sticking with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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He just wants Spock’s autograph. That’s all.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

The head doctor at the Crystal Lake Research Facility is played by director David Cronenberg, who REQUESTED to be in this movie. Except for The Fly,<\/em> I\u2019m generally not a fan of his, but this scores him some nerd points. He also directed an episode of Friday the 13th: The Series<\/em> (season one\u2019s \u201cThe Faith Healer\u201d).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rowan says that the \u201cfirst time they executed\u201d Jason was in 2008. This totally syncs up with my timeline, which places Jason Goes to Hell<\/em> in that year and leads into FvJ<\/em>. At the start of Goes to Hell,<\/em> Jason is killed by federal agents. To me, that qualifies as an execution. It\u2019s all accidental, I\u2019m sure \u2014 I don\u2019t think anyone<\/em> involved in these movies gave continuity a minute\u2019s thought \u2014 but my timeline turned out to be solid. I\u2019ll put it on my resume! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Not a porn parody.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Favorite moment: Jason\u2019s holodeck visit to 1980 Crystal Lake is comedy gold. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The So-Called Reboot<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is it. The twelfth and final (for now) Friday the 13th<\/em> movie. This is the one that everyone calls a \u201cremake\u201d or a \u201creboot.\u201d I call it a sequel \u2014 a sequel set decades after Jason X.<\/em> But I\u2019ll get to that soon. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We start in flashback. It\u2019s June 13th, 1980 (which was indeed a Friday). A \u201cCamp Counselor\u201d (that\u2019s what she\u2019s called in the credits, so she\u2019s NOT officially Alice) is in mid-confrontation with a recast Mrs. Voorhees. Little Jason watches from the woods as his mom is decapitated. After Not-Alice leaves, he sneaks out, steals Mom\u2019s machete, her locket, and<\/em> her head. It\u2019s nice to have keepsakes. \u201cKill for mother,\u201d says Mrs. Voorhees in Little Jason\u2019s screwy mind, and he scampers on his merry, deformed way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then we have a classic Friday<\/em> time-jump to Crystal Lake, 2009. It\u2019s present day (the movie was released in February of that year). A small group of college kids are hiking through the woods for a night of camping \u2014 although two of them are more interested in a massive weed-crop nearby.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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A split decision<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Having entered Jason\u2019s territory, the kids get what they get \u2014 which, to be clear, is viciously murdered. Or so it seems\u2026 The best thing about this pre-title sequence is that, at 25 minutes long, it feels like a short film; a mini-Friday the 13th<\/em> movie before the main feature. And get this \u2014 it\u2019s Sack-Head Jason! My favorite! There\u2019s some excitement, some drama, boobies for those who like them, a few gruesome kills, and then\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Nice try, but that yokel can’t read.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Time-jump! But it\u2019s a small one of just six months to where the real<\/em> story starts. Sam from Supernatural<\/em> has come to Crystal Lake in search of his sister Whitney, who was one of those aforementioned college kids. He meets some locals and an entirely new batch of victims. Most of those victims, though, are very, very annoying. The only exceptions are Killer Frost from The Flash<\/em>, who seems nice and sympathetic, and her boyfriend Trent, who is the King of Assholes. Trent will be important later, so remember him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Trent is the worst.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

All these dumb characters, along with Killer Frost from The Flash,<\/em> are staying at Asshole Trent\u2019s summer cabin, smack in the middle of the woods. For Jason, it\u2019s his version of Fresh Direct. One by one, Jason meets and greets these dunces. Not a single one of them is a loss. Not since Part V<\/em> has there been such a crappy crew of corpses. The worst are the \u201ccomic relief\u201d characters. We get two of those, along with their relentless series of beer, pot, and masturbation jokes. You will cheer when they die. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

One otherwise forgettable kill results in Jason finding his most important prop, and he upgrades from a potato sack to his iconic hockey mask. He looks at himself in the mirror afterward, trying to decide if he\u2019s cute. (He isn\u2019t.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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“See the pretty girl in that mirror there…”<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Anyway, surprise! Jason didn\u2019t<\/em> kill Whitney, the sister of Sam from Supernatural.<\/em> He\u2019s got her chained up in his underground lair like he\u2019s Buffalo Bill. Remember that locket Jason stole from his mother\u2019s corpse? It contains two photos, one of Baby Jason, and one of Mom \u2014 and Whitney is the spittin\u2019 image of young Mrs. Voorhees. (This is because the actress playing Whitney posed for that photograph. No flies on me.) Now, amidst all the slaughter, Sam from Supernatural<\/em> and Killer Frost from The Flash<\/em> have to go rescue Whitney. But Jason has built an entire network of underground tunnels beneath Camp Crystal Lake \u2014 because that\u2019s what you do when you don\u2019t have cable or a PS4. A subterranean melee ensues, with running and screaming and stabbing and death, as they try to free this dumb girl (who looks a lot like the original Pink Ranger) from captivity. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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It’s screamin’ time!<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

In the end, Jason is defeated (or \u201cdefeated\u201d), which is what usually happens. But while there\u2019s a hint of more to come, outside of fan films, there hasn\u2019t been a new Friday the 13th<\/em> movie in over a decade. All sorts of court battles have prevented a thirteenth entry from getting off the ground. That\u2019s unfortunate (because I want more) but maybe also a blessing (because I don\u2019t trust them not to screw things up). Guess we\u2019ll see what happens. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a run of these horror remakes\/reboots around this time, and tonally, this sits comfortably alongside some of the better ones, like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre<\/em> (also directed by Marcus Nispel) or The Hills Have Eyes<\/em>. Apart from a couple of aggressively irritating comic relief characters, the entire tone is deadly serious, if not flat-out grim. There are no little winks here, and although references to previous entries are sprinkled throughout. Jason is taken seriously, which results in a pretty gritty viewing experience. It\u2019s well-shot, energetic, occasionally suspenseful, and some sometimes thrilling \u2014 and it doesn\u2019t feel cheap.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Jason is rightfully annoyed by the comic relief characters.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

This new Jason (Derek Mears) is no Kane Hodder, but he feels imposing and dangerous, while still human \u2014 and he\u2019s fast! I like him. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The extended \u201cKiller Cut,\u201d which is my go-to, runs about ten minutes longer than the theatrical version, and despite some pointless conversational padding, it features a somewhat exciting escape sequence, slightly more vicious kills, and maybe a pinch more sex than the movie really needs. At 1 hour and 45 minutes, this cut is longest movie in the series. Jason Takes Manhattan<\/em> comes in second, at 1 hour and 40 minutes, because it only exists to punish us. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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“EEEEEK!!” screams Trent.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Anyway, this “update” was supposed to be a fresh start. A reboot leading to more films\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Except it isn\u2019t a reboot<\/em>. I\u2019ll explain. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A major plot point in Jason X <\/em>was that Earth is dead, and what\u2019s left of humanity has relocated to Earth Two. At the end of that film, we only see a tiny bit of it: a patch of woods and a lake, plus a couple of teens. My theory is that this movie takes place on that planet: Jason X<\/em>\u2019s Earth Two. It doesn\u2019t LOOK like the future, nobody ACTS like it\u2019s the future, but the way I see it, just getting everyone to this new planet was a drain on scientific and financial resources. Essentially, in order to survive, the people of 2455 had to become \u201cpioneers,\u201d in a way, roughing it out in a new frontier. For them, that didn\u2019t mean living in log cabins or riding horses. They \u201croughed it\u201d by abandoning their expensive tech for an early 21st Century lifestyle. They use simple technology (cars and cell phones) and live in average, no-tech homes. By the time this movie takes place, it\u2019s a generation or two \u2014 or even three \u2014 after the relocation. For the kids<\/em> in this movie, who only grew up knowing this \u201c21st Century\u201d environment, this is normal life for them (which is why the space stuff is never addressed).  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then we get to Jason. At the end of Jason X,<\/em> he essentially became a shooting star, burning up as he fell from orbit. I think he DID die, as he’s died before. But the Powers That Be\u2026the forces of Hell\u2026whatever you want to call the supernatural powers that guided him (and resurrected him) all those times\u2026they deemed that the universe MUST have a Jason. Hell\u2019s agent of death must walk the Earth. So to achieve that, Pamela Voorhees was born (again), had a child who \u201cdrowned\u201d (again), and she sought revenge (again). And that’s how Jason \u2014 this reborn Jason, infused with a killer instinct from his previous existence \u2014 came to be. (This also syncs with why the camp counselor who kills Mrs. Voorhees this time isn\u2019t Alice. Alice doesn\u2019t matter in the bigger equation.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Fake Mrs. Voorhees, pre-decapitation<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s out there, I know. It\u2019s a reach, I KNOW. But there\u2019s also this\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember Asshole Trent? (I told you to remember him.) He spends every moment in this movie being an absolutely relentless dick. Asshole Trent is played by actor Travis Van Winkle. Travis Van Winkle also played an asshole named Trent in the first Transformers<\/em> movie. Both Transformers<\/em> and this Friday the 13th<\/em> were Micheal Bay productions, hence the connection. With that in mind\u2026are the two Trents the SAME Trent? If so, this Friday takes place in a world where advanced technology, alien robots, and all kinds of sci-fi shit actually exists. It\u2019s entirely possible that Transformers<\/em> took place on Earth Two, a generation or two after the relocation from Earth Prime. Now, a couple of years after the Autobots fought the Decepticons, we pick up on (and \u2014 spoiler alert \u2014 end) Asshole Trent\u2019s story. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Trent was inflicted upon us in two films.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Okay, okay, I\u2019m not sure even I buy my own patch for this. But the idea of a Friday reboot rather than a sequel<\/em> really bugs me, and when I saw a way to \u201cfix\u201d it, I wasn\u2019t gonna let it slide. And it does<\/em> track. Sort of. So yep, this is the 11th sequel. You\u2019re welcome. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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He’ll be back again someday…<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s a wrap on these lengthy Friday the 13th<\/em> reviews. If you\u2019ve read them all, or if you\u2019ve only read one or two, thanks for checking them out. Maybe I\u2019ll tackle another franchise someday. I\u2019ve been itching for a Resident Evil <\/em>rewatch lately\u2026 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Frank Pittarese The One in Space We start off in the near future (very near, considering the film\u2019s 2001 release date). The chronologically previous movie, Freddy vs. Jason, would have taken place around 2008. That one left Jason \u201cdead\u201d (again) in the waters of Crystal Lake. But now we find him shackled and under […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7258","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-friday-the-13th"],"blocksy_meta":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/matt.doppiavvu.it\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7258","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/matt.doppiavvu.it\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/matt.doppiavvu.it\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/matt.doppiavvu.it\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/matt.doppiavvu.it\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7258"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/matt.doppiavvu.it\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7258\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/matt.doppiavvu.it\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7258"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/matt.doppiavvu.it\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7258"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/matt.doppiavvu.it\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7258"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}